Silently she stood,
Her silhouette tall and proud,
Against the evening sun,
Before the waiting crowd.
Eager to fight, they waited,
Swords in war-ridden hands,
They looked for the enemy,
Far across the lands.
Their leader was a beauty,
Standing on the hill,
Power buried within her,
To fight for freewill.
The enemy was approaching,
The time was very near,
With one look at her,
They began to cheer.
Freedom, they wanted, freedom,
Freedom in their voices,
Freewill, they cried for, freewill,
They wanted more choices.
And as white clashed with black,
And the fighting had begun,
She killed and killed then stopped,
What had she done?
Corpses lying on her left,
Corpses on her right,
And then she completely lost
The will to fight.
Standing in the battlefield,
Sword dropped to the ground,
She took a look around her,
She couldn't hear a sound.
A demon eager for a kill,
Saw the beauty on her own,
Flew to the spot where she stood,
All, all alone.
And as she fell she smiled,
At her horrid life-taker,
For he had given her the chance,
To meet her life maker.
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11 comments:
re:the gorillaz,
i luv them so much! you are so lucky you live in the UK! i was born in Whales, Europe but then when i was 2 i moved to Hawii lol
That was a beautiful poem.. great writing. well take care...
sighned,
Meagan
Great poem, Cathy, I really like it. It is very powerful as well as sad.
Just being very boring, here are some spelling ideas:
silhouette
completely
demon (or daemon, as Philip Pullman spells it)
Sorry to be so pedantic, but it is an excellent poem, don't mind me. Keep on writing them!
thanks mum... i may edit those mistakes...!!
You have summed up some real emotion in your words, Cathy. This poem has depth and insight.
Can I just suggest something and you can ignore or delete as required!
A poet takes a long time to construct a poem. As with all writing it is a long laborious process of edit, edit, edit so never be satisfied with the first draft because what comes after can only be stronger.
Just as an exercise take the first two lines in each stanza (they are the strongest in this poem)and play with them. Cut them up, move them about and see what you come up with. Bowie wrote a lot of his lyrics like this.
Sorry to butt in like this but I can see that you could take your poetry a long way if you wanted to. And remember not everything needs to rhyme - just have meaning
thanks minx, i'll try that next time I write a poem =)
Dear Cathy:-)
I would like to use your poem for my essay on war and loss. Can I have your permission to do so? If so, what credits do you wish me to add to identify your poem? What moved you to write such a deep poem?
Dana
Sure you can use my poem, and I'd really like to see the finished essay if you email me at catherine.irving@googlemail.com
I'm not that developed as a poetry writer, I'm only taking my GCSEs this year! I guess I wrote the poem as I was going through this "stage" in my life where I wanted to make a difference. I had studied the Ballad of Charlotte Dymond and loved it, so as well as re-creating that (earlier post I think) I wanted to write my own. It was influenced by partly the Lord of the Rings (maybe it's a bit of a femminist poem- I wanted a girl hero!) and also many books I have read. Mainly by Trudi Canavan.
Next time leave your email or blog, so I can get back to you! Is this a school essay, and if it is how old are you/which country is your school in?
Thanks,
Cathy
who killed her in the end tho was it mathew plz e-mail me back at katrinariveson@hotmail.com
who killed her in the end tho was it mathew plz e-mail me back at katrinariveson@hotmail.com
can u plz telll me who killed charlotte in charlottes diamond was it mathew i had seached it in but it says they dont to who i need to no for school (drama)
by the way my addie is katrinariveson@hotmail.com
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